Grief is a complex, highly individualised process that each individual goes through in his or her own manner. Initially developed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book On Death and Dying, the five stages of grief are a framework for describing people’s feelings and processes following loss. The five stages—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—are not linear and can overlap or occur in different orders.
1. Denial – Familiarity with the Initial Response
Denial typically functions as an emotional shock absorber, preventing us from being paralysed by fear of loss. Denial is the brain slowing down the process so that mourning loss doesn’t feel entirely intolerable. For individuals in denial, responses like “This cannot be happening” or “There must be some mistake” become typical.
Although it may seem like avoidance, denial is needed for people to accept what is happening at their own speed. Monitoring this stage as a natural response will allow mental health warriors to support and encourage people without having individuals deal with everything simultaneously.
2. Anger – Venting the Emotions
Anger will surface when the reality of the loss begins becoming reality. This stage is characterised by anger, frustration, or irritability directed toward the outside world, oneself, or the situation. One might complain, “Why did this happen to me?” or “Who’s responsible?”
Though challenging, anger is a healthy and normal part of grieving, a manifestation of the pain and unfairness of loss. To supporters, the task is to provide a secure, nonjudgmental space in which individuals can express these feelings; services like Laburnum Psychology can often provide these spaces. Since knowing that anger usually comes as a result of hurt, one is able to sit down with the bereaved in sympathy rather than solutions.
3. Bargaining – The “What If” Phase
Bargaining is where there is some glimpse of negotiation, where there are too many “if only” demands. It’s where individuals can replay it in their head, wishing they could re-play history to steer clear of loss or mitigate loss. Whether it’s promising to “do better” for a different outcome or attempting to discover answers in spiritual or existential self-reflection, bargaining is a cry of hope—unfulfilled. Mental health professionals can help individuals at this juncture by de-pathologising these thoughts, and then nudging them ever so gently toward reality acceptance.
4. Depression – Identification of the Signs
The weight of grief can abruptly descend in the depression phase with an overwhelming sense of sadness. Symptoms can be as varied as withdrawal from others, loss of focus, and a sense of void. It does not necessarily have to be a clinical depression but an acknowledgment of the stifling emotional weight of loss. Caregivers should also pay attention to signs that indicate a person might require professional care. Having them validate what they feel, with compassion and tolerance, can be extremely effective at this juncture.
5. Acceptance – Moving Forward
Acceptance is not forgetting or “getting past” the loss. It is learning to live with it and achieving balance in a new normal. Acceptance can be through rebuilding ceremonies, memorialising important memories, or even discovering personal improvement through the loss. Mental health activists can assist in developing this stage by creating resilience and increasing the emphasis on the strength it takes to keep moving forward.
Finding Comfort in Bereavement
Grief is an extremely personal, nonsequential experience, yet the five stages of grief offer a good model for understanding its numerous emotional phases. Mental health activists assist individuals in directing them to the right resources, such as counselling, bereavement groups, or bereavement books of self-help. Listening, empathy, and patience can open the door to healing.